Darkness and a Mound of Ashes

FullSizeRender (2)I hesitated to write this.  Seeing it on the page only makes it more real.  I hesitated to post it even more, as the act of putting this out for public consumption feels sinfully self-indulgent.  I wrote it, then put it away, then pecked at it again, then let it sit for a couple of weeks to see if I still felt that this was full of the brutal honesty I intended to be.  In the end, I guess my purpose is this:  Down the road, I want my girls to understand that my problem isn’t their fault.  I also want them to know that it is always OK to reach out for help.  I want them to know that if they are struggling, they need not suffer alone.  Insisting on bearing burdens alone isn’t self sufficiency; loneliness is only the state of listening to your own unwise counsel.  And for you, dear reader, know this:  Don’t hesitate to find the help you need.  After spending the past several weeks inventorying the last 40 years of my life, I wish I had reached out much earlier. Continue reading “Darkness and a Mound of Ashes”